sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
