It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
