Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
