We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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