i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
