He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
