If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
