Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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