What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
