Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
