Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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