Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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