i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
