New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
