what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
