$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
