how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
