I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
