how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
