bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
