I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
