Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
