I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
