I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
