We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
