god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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