Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
