we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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