...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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