I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize