My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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