if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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