apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
