I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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