remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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