Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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