I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
