and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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