its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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