Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
