How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
