my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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