Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
