She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
