VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
