I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
