i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
