oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
