i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
