life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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