I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
