No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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