btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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