You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
