Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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