It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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